four life lessons I’ve learned from ‘Kitchen Nightmares’

Who says reality TV is worthless?

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One of my favorite brands of reality television is restaurant reality television. I mean the shows like Bar Rescue and Kitchen Nightmares where celebrity chefs or successful restaurateurs travel across the country to restaurants about to close their doors and, within a week, uncover the problems, smack some sense into the owners, redecorate and boom: new restaurant. Something about the grim, real life aspect of these shows, the controlled chaos and the caring yet abrasive celebrity guest is very comforting to me.

As a person who grew up watching Food Network, it’s not surprising that that culinary show interest has never left me, but recently I’ve been reaching for Kitchen Nightmares not just at meal times, as it used to be relegated to, but whenever I need a pick-me-up. Previously only watching the compilations, I’ve started to gravitate toward full episodes now, so that I could get the whole picture. Since doing so, I’ve realized that there’s much to learn from this show.

courtesy of Fox.

Gordon Ramsay, host of Kitchen Nightmares and drama queen first, comedian second, chef third, is an icon and a legend for his British charm, his diabolical takedowns, and his fun banter with staff. He is the moment. If I could save one white man in the race war, it would be Gordon Ramsay.

There are two versions of Kitchen Nightmares, the UK version and the American version, with the main difference being the editing style. The American version is filled to the brim with music that maximizes the chaos of the failing restaurants, the confusion and/or stupidity of the people in charge, and the tension that inevitably builds between Gordon and the owners in denial. For six seasons, and a recent new season, Kitchen Nightmares US has given us myriad of dramatic moments and lessons.

Lesson #1: Denial is a river in Egypt.

Ah, the age-old defense mechanism. Despite the fact that one has called Gordon Ramsay to their restaurant to film a show called Kitchen Nightmares, one still believes that their restaurant isn’t a nightmare. This is the classic dilemma the audience sees an owner struggling with at the beginning of an episode. There is definitely a problem with the restaurant, the owner declares, but the problem is that people aren’t coming in, not why they aren’t coming in.

The best episode to illustrate this, and perhaps one of the most famous episodes of the reality show, is Amy’s Baking Company. Owned by Samy and Amy Bouzaglo, Amy’s Baking Company is the hellhole of Scottsdale, Arizona, where you can get dinner and a show! The show being Samy yelling at you for daring to send back your food, and Amy threatening to call the police.

They had Gordon fooled for a minute with their sweet couple routine and Amy’s genuinely tasty desserts, but it all started to fall apart when Gordon discovered that they don’t tip out their waitstaff, Amy’s cooking ability does not equate to her baking ability, and of course, Samy and Amy are insane.

Samy and Amy. (photo)

Samy is at least grounded in some sort of reality, while Amy lives in a world where everyone is against her and everything she “[cooks, touches, sends] is perfect.” Samy avoids telling her complaints during service, knowing that she can’t handle criticism, which means she never thinks that anything is wrong. So when Gordon is disappointed in his lunch, she cannot absorb his criticisms professionally and sees them as some sort of personal attack.

Any complaints she receives, Amy blames on the online “haters” who she believes are the reason her restaurant is failing. In fact, the main reason they wanted Gordon to come was to show the haters that he enjoys her food, not because they wanted actual help in saving their restaurant. The problem wasn’t them, it was their customers.

By the second day, Gordon makes a decision that he can’t help them because they are so deeply in denial and any changes he would make, they would reverse. After Gordon leaves Amy says, “We don’t need his help. Maybe he knows that.” They should use this episode to illustrate defense mechanisms in schools.

It’s not easy to recognize when we’re in denial, but that’s why we have trusted people around us to be objective. If you’re the owner of a restaurant and your own chef is telling you the menu sucks, or your waitstaff is constantly bringing back dishes with complaints, the problem likely isn’t the customer, but the food. Look inward!

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Lesson #2: You can’t rest on your laurels in a business that’s constantly changing.

With time comes experience, and if you use that time to challenge yourself, hone your skills and keep striving for the best, you’re likely going to be fine. But if you rest on your laurels, expecting things to continue going as they have been, without doing much to maintain standards and keep up with the competition, you’ll wake up one day and realize that people have moved on, but your product has stayed the same.

This is a common theme in Kitchen Nightmares. Gordon will be asked to visit a restaurant that’s been open for decades by confused owners who just don’t understand why the people have stopped coming. Take The Old Neighborhood Restaurant in Arvada, Colorado owned by Alexa and Randy Kowalcyzk, who met when they were working as servers in college. Twenty-five years after buying the restaurant where they met, they’re knee-deep in debt and weeks from closing, but when Gordon makes complaints about the food, both Alexa, the chef, and Randy, the head of the front of house, can’t fathom why.

Gordon chats with Alexa and Randy. (courtesy of Fox).

I can understand why it would be painful to hear that nothing you cooked was tasty, especially when it’s something you’ve dedicated your life to and have been doing for so long, but just because you’ve been doing it for the better part of 30 years, doesn’t mean it’s still relevant or good. Just because you started out successful doesn’t mean that you will always be successful.

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Lesson #3: Not all skills are transferable.

Transferable skills! Transferable skills! Transferable skills! In the job market, that’s all you hear. But unfortunately, not all skills are transferable. Just because one can cook very well does not mean that one knows how to run a business. Do they hire someone to help them learn the ropes of the business? No. They take it all on themselves, and then quickly find themselves passion-less because the stress of the business has interfered with what they actually loved in the first place: the food.

Let’s take a look at Bazzini’s, a restaurant in Ridgewood, New Jersey, owned and operated by Paul Bazzini, an award-winning chef. Clearly talented at cooking, Paul thought why don’t I open up my own place? Famous last words. After assuming the responsibility of owning a restaurant in a town with an overly saturated dining market, Paul lost his passion for food and settled for sending out bland, boring food.

Paul Bazzini. (courtesy of Fox)

According to the YouTube comments––which I take as gospel––Bazzini’s closed rather quickly after filming wrapped, and the owner started working as a chef in a different restaurant that he didn’t own. It’s okay to try things and fail, but it’s also unrealistic to expect that just because restaurants are businesses and you’re good at cooking in a restaurant that you’d be good at running one as well.

This episode aired in 2010, but it feels like over the past decade, in every industry, everyone has been acting on a desire to own their own business and work for themselves, and if you don’t share that ambition, then something must be wrong with you. Not everyone can or should run a business! We don’t need a million different businesses all selling the same thing! Sometimes it’s okay to just work in someone else’s business!

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Lesson #4: Ego and pride are the enemies of progress.

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason. One of the major common themes in Kitchen Nightmares, right up there with denial, is the pride and ego of the owners, especially when they’re also the chefs. Let’s take Joe Nagy, owner and “chef” (I use that term loosely) of Mill Street Bistro in Norwalk, Ohio, who takes the saying “frequently wrong, but never in doubt” to unimaginable new highs. A condescending, control freak of a man who insists that his fine cuisine is too elevated for the locals and genuinely wanted Chef Ramsay to show up, help him make some fresh desserts, praise him for his fake farm-to-table restaurant, and then beat it.

Gordon chats with Joe and the actually trained cook, Tom. (courtesy of Fox)

Gordon Ramsay, with a state-of-the-art bullshit detector, catches on to Joe’s spiel immediately and does not let up on the gas for two entire episodes. These episodes are the birthplace of some of the more intense arguments the show has ever seen and for good reason: Gordon can’t stand ego with nothing to back it up. Joe, and many other owners like him, are so convinced that their way is the best way and equate their lack of business with some other issue, perhaps the staff, the location, or the inability of the clientele to understand what good food is. They lose sight of the fact that in order to succeed in the business, you must appreciate the customer base that you have, but they would rather look down their noses at the locals and hold out for a “better” base that will never come.

During the filming of the show, they come around to Gordon and realize the error of their ways, accept his new menu, and compliment the new restaurant design. But frequently, and likely a large reason for the 40% success rate of the show, the owners decide to ditch Gordon’s changes shortly after he leaves and go back to their original design. The restaurants obviously end up failing as a result. I suppose they’d rather feel in control and close than feel controlled by Gordon and succeed. That sounds like something one should bring up with their therapist.

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It’s not surprising that reality shows can actually present some important lessons. Despite their sensational nature, which is frequently manipulated by producers and editors, the inherent reality of the situations can evoke very real defense mechanisms and group dynamics.

Gordon Ramsay has given us so much!! If you’re turned off by the bluntness of Hell’s Kitchen, I present Kitchen Nightmares to you as a more chipper, satisfying alternative. Ramsay’s interaction with the staff, his humility and genuine desire to help people not only succeed in the business but rediscover their passion for food, ability to save countless people from food poisoning, and not to mention, impart some life lessons are just a few reasons to tap into this golden reality TV series.