hot men got me into cinema
Fifteen-year-old me was on to something.
Thanks for reading! Please leave a like, a comment, or share this post if you enjoyed it.
After watching Inside Out 2 (2024, highly recommend) a couple weeks ago, and fielding some hysterical Letterboxd reviews, I have decided that not only does the orange bitch (anxiety, for the unacquainted) also run my console like it’s the navy, but so does obsession, and that bitch has a death grip. For example, last week I rewatched The Dark Knight (2008) twice as well as Batman Begins (2005). Not only are these movies some of the best movies ever made, let alone the best superhero movies, but they star a good amount of men that I, at one point in my life, had a slight obsession over. And I never get over anything.
I’m not sure when my obsessions with certain actors began, whether they preceded or followed my obsessions with certain movies, or overlapped completely. I’ve had obsessions over men who are not in the entertainment industry, but may find themselves wrapped up in it anyway, but regardless, my obsessions take up considerable space in my memory. Like, I can tell you the men I was obsessed with in middle and high school with great clarity.
We started with the Kennedys in middle school. I remember throwing myself into the conspiracy theories surrounding John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy’s assassinations head first (topical, I know). I could tell you everything there was to know about those men and that family. I watched the movies, the YouTube documentaries, read the articles, saved screenshots of them, and scrolled through Tumblr pages of Kennedy brother content. Something about the fact that not one but two brothers were killed in such a traumatic way stuck with me. And then to dig into the family lore and discover just how much tragedy that family endured is astonishing. I decided that I––along with millions of others––was going to figure out what happened to them, and I had to do my research.
My Kennedy obsession sort of converged with my interest in World War II. Not completely out of left field, JFK was a war hero, and it was the last war that America fought in that I could really understand and believe was necessary. But this obsession moved into my discovery of Pearl Harbor (2001). Now, let me just say that Pearl Harbor is not a sound movie. The first time I watched it (on Megashare lol, iykyk) I remember pausing it several times just to reel. Like, what the fuck was going on? Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett were best friends. Ben Affleck dies. Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale cope with their grief together and eventually start a relationship, despite the fact that Kate Beckinsale was Ben Affleck’s girl. But then Ben Affleck isn’t dead. And Kate Beckinsale is now pregnant with Josh Hartnett’s baby. And then Josh Hartnett dies. The more I watch it, the less it makes sense. But I’m not sure I care.
The reason I don’t care is Josh Hartnett (far right in the above photo). I hadn’t seen him in a single thing before Pearl Harbor. I had no idea that man existed. But Josh Hartnett as Danny Walker, the very tall, adorably shy, bff to Ben Affleck’s Rafe McCawley was my man. Just ask any of my friends from high school. They can recite entire plots to movies that they’ve never seen before, simply because a man that I deemed attractive was in it.
After deciding on my newest fixation, I would revolve my media consumption around them. I would scour YouTube for interviews, Tumblr for photos and gifsets, and find clips of the film to relive the glory of my first watch. The movie doesn’t even have to be good! This past weekend––post Christian Bale obsession relapse––I watched 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002) for the first time, to support my man Josh. A comedy about a guy in his early twenties who gives up sex for lent after realizing he can’t go on having meaningless sex to cope with his last breakup. I thought I was in for a fun gag of a movie… until the end. Let’s just say an alternate title for 40 Days and 40 Nights is Sexual Harassment: The Movie.
My point is, I will follow the subjects of my obsessions into the abyss, for better or for worse. Discovering that Cillian Murphy was in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy only added to my adoration for those movies. Heath Ledger––a high school-era obsession of mine––was who I watched The Dark Knight for in the first place. Quickly followed by 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) and Brokeback Mountain (2005), which swiftly led into a sometimes dormant, frequently revived obsession with Jake Gyllenhaal (or Yillenhoolahay). For the longest time, I treated The Dark Knight as a standalone movie. The first time I watched Batman Begins (2005) and The Dark Knight Rises (2012) was like last year. Why ruin a good thing, I thought. Turns out all of the movies together form some of my favorite pieces of film ever made, hot men aside.
My obsessions (and we have only scratched the surface here, folks) may start out as frivolous, and were highest when I was in school, where in-person rejection was too much to handle, so why not focus on men who have no idea who I am, but they led to a genuine love of the things they were in. History (and therefore, the Kennedys) was always one of my favorite subjects, right up there next to English (being enchanted by a great movie usually meant the world-building and the writing was good). Learning about characters and people, real-life or otherwise, made me think about what made these people the way they are, why they make the choices they do, and why they think the way they go about things is the right way. In other words, psychology. Learning about these people was so interesting to me, and my romantic interest in them was only my way in.
Movies have become a passion of mine that has slowly developed since I was in school. I’m not sure I really knew that’s what it was when I was young, I was simply consuming as much of the media these people were a part of as I could, but nonetheless, it stuck. If it had just been about their looks, it probably would’ve faded out by now, but these men, for the most part, turn in great performances and introduce me to great writers, directors, and other actors. And even when they don’t, I still tune in, because it’s usually pretty entertaining, and there’s worse ways to spend my time than looking at a pretty man.
Love this, exactly how I feel! The best part of any movie is the cute guy...doesn't matter how bad the movie is!
relatable - this was me with Dylan O'Brien and Teen Wolf... I was simply obsessed. Have you heard of limerence? I feel like my random celebrity obsession in middle school was the precursor to intense experiences of limerence geez. Also, unrelated but u killed this! I can hear your voice in your writing, it's so refreshing!